One of the most damaging religious lies around forgiveness is that obedience to God means “just getting over it.” Forgive and forget. As if forgiveness is a microwavable instant solution to harm. We are told grace is sufficient, and if we still have hurt to deal with, it means we haven’t really forgiven… Or maybe …
Does Forgiving Mean You Shouldn’t Feel Hurt Anymore? Read More »
(excerpt from work-in-progress book on spiritual abuse) When is the exact moment we can say a rose opens? A simple flower like a daisy opens in a single morning. One minute, it is closed tightly in a bud, the next it is in full bloom. An old fashioned rose though? It’s never really finished opening.From …
Feed your goldfish. Sounds simple enough. Feed that fish every day. Do it to keep the fish alive and healthy. But where you focus on the long-term health of the relationship, your emotionally abusive husband is focused on short-term gratification. This entitlement leads to black-and-white thinking. Is the fish alive? Is it dead? Is it …
(what cognitive dissonance in a hurtful marriage looks like) I don’t really know what my marriage was like. I have two completely different narratives playing through my head. The good marriage. Loving. Practically soul mates. We could finish each other’s sentences. We could read each other’s minds. We were perfect for eachother. Nobody on earth …
God Hates Divorce. I think our marriage needs some help. He doesn’t treat me right. Well do you give him all the sex he’s wanting, every night? The things he says are cruel and harsh. I cannot live this way. Be more like Jesus! (lest you be judged.) Forgive him everyday. I’m scared to breathe; …
(this post is an excerpt from my upcoming book on spiritual abuse in the Christian marriage.) Wow, Jessica. You’re really passionate about this. You seem kinda angry and scary. I’m not sure I’m comfortable with how vocal you are. You sound like a feminist. Shouldn’t you be more meek and Christ-like? Well, let’s talk about …
So, Like, Are You Just an Angry Feminist against Marriage, Then? Read More »
Ugh. I just got yelled at by a stranger. I hopped on the phone to chat with what I *thought* was a woman seeking coaching. Nope. It was a very angry man. And he had a bone to pick with me. He had seen something I’d written about boundaries, and very much did not approve. …
A Husband’s Authority: Are you a GPS or Autopilot? Read More »
(This post is an excerpt from my upcoming book on spiritual abuse in the Christian marriage.) What does forgiveness mean in an abusive marriage, and how can true forgiveness actually set a battered wife free (instead of keeping her hostage like false forgiveness, or enabling, does?) Let’s dive into some light psychology for a minute, …
