That’s My Mailbox The sun was barely beginning to think about waking up when I jumped out of bed. Today was the big day! I moved as quietly as my excitement would allow and got my morning chores done. By the time he wandered into the kitchen, sleepy saturday bedhead and comfy clothes, I had …
It’s not the yucky kind of surrender, where you say yes when your boundaries say no. It’s not the sad kind of surrender, where you hang your head in defeat.. It’s not even the brave kind of surrender, where you straighten your shoulders and brace for whatever is coming next. But surrender is exactly where …
Ours was the first hearing of the morning. The courtroom was empty. We sat, waiting for the minute hand to tick around to the top of the hour. Waiting for the judge. “You look really beautiful.” I looked sideways in disbelief. He was leaving us for another woman. Had told me repeatedly that he didn’t …
Hey, so before you read any further, there is a very strong trigger warning. This story contains explicit sexual assault. And also some anger seasoned with a sprig of bitterness. So you don’t need to leave a comment telling me I’m bitter. I’ll own that the pain is still there. Though Jesus and I are …
I Was Sexually Assaulted… But God Forgives Me (sexual and spiritual abuse) Read More »
Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee. And unto Adam he said, Because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife, and hast eaten of the …
“You have to forgive me.” is a magic button every abuser uses to avoid consequences. It’s abuse bulimia. Heaping all the harmful behaviors he wants onto his plate. Thoroughly enjoying every last crumb of his power and control. Then as soon as he’s done, he uses forgiveness to purge it all away. He just pulls …
One of the most damaging religious lies around forgiveness is that obedience to God means “just getting over it.” Forgive and forget. As if forgiveness is a microwavable instant solution to harm. We are told grace is sufficient, and if we still have hurt to deal with, it means we haven’t really forgiven… Or maybe …
Does Forgiving Mean You Shouldn’t Feel Hurt Anymore? Read More »
(excerpt from work-in-progress book on spiritual abuse) When is the exact moment we can say a rose opens? A simple flower like a daisy opens in a single morning. One minute, it is closed tightly in a bud, the next it is in full bloom. An old fashioned rose though? It’s never really finished opening.From …
Feed your goldfish. Sounds simple enough. Feed that fish every day. Do it to keep the fish alive and healthy. But where you focus on the long-term health of the relationship, your emotionally abusive husband is focused on short-term gratification. This entitlement leads to black-and-white thinking. Is the fish alive? Is it dead? Is it …
(what cognitive dissonance in a hurtful marriage looks like) I don’t really know what my marriage was like. I have two completely different narratives playing through my head. The good marriage. Loving. Practically soul mates. We could finish each other’s sentences. We could read each other’s minds. We were perfect for eachother. Nobody on earth …
